For the most part, I can't complain about excessive hormonal rages. Well, I can't complain. M might have a different take on this. But by and large, I've felt pretty happy. Very few people have been killed or maimed as a result of my pregnancy.
That said, I have been compiling a list of things one should never, ever say to a pregnant woman. A woman who is pregnant is, among other things, feeling one or more of these things at any given moment:
> > Fat
> > Overwhelmed
> > In some form of pain and/or discomfort
> > Lonely
> > Irritated, annoyed, or outright pissed. At what, she likely doesn't know.
Add any of these emotions to the already toxic combination of hormone soup she's experiencing, and a poorly considered remark can result in a day's worth of 1) bitchiness, 2) weepiness, 3) silent treatment, or 4) all of the above.
For the dear husbands, friends, co-workers, family members, and random strangers, I am providing this list of remarks that should be considered off limits when speaking to any and all pregnant women. Print it out and keep it on hand at all times so you never accidentally find ourself at the hands of a toxic hormone attack.
1. "Why, you don't look pregnant at all!" - This is a bad thing to say to a pregnant woman. During the first trimester, a woman is likely nauseous, exhausted, and can't even tell anyone why she's such a disaster. When you find out she's pregnant, regardless of whether she looks pregnant or not, you say, "Congratulations! How wonderful for you! You're already glowing!"
2. "Wow, this pregnancy is hitting you really hard!" - When you're a pregnant woman's husband, and your wife has just returned from BJ's with a heavy box of groceries, in the dumping rain, having just contended with a crowd of imbeciles who wouldn't get out of her way, complaining about how her back muscles hurt from carrying said heavy box, and clearly ON THE EDGE, under no circumstances whatsoever should you comment that she is somehow weaker in the face of her pregnancy. No, no, no. This will do nothing but put her either closer to the aforementioned edge, or send her right over. This is bad because she will TAKE YOU WITH HER.
3. "You'll never sleep again." - In this scenario, "sleep" can be interchanged with "have fun," "have money," or "go out." OK, I know people who have experience with the whole kids thing have a different perspective than those of us seeing child rearing through the semi-rose tinted glasses of pre-parenthood, but come ON. It's not like us pregnant women need any additional reasons to be freaked out, overwhelmed, and wondering what in god's name ever possessed us to get ourselves into this condition. We'll find out soon enough. Leave us alone and let us enjoy our last few months of being childfree.
4. "You're naming your child WHAT???" - Unless your friend is planning to name her soon-to-be child something like Tequila or RawkStahr, which could lead to serious therapy in the child's future, just keep your mouth shut if you don't like the name. Pregnant lady feels fat and judged enough as it is. Don't add to it.
5. "Are you happy?" - Well, let's see. If I weren't happy, would I have even told you I was pregnant? Yeah, probably not. People who use this phrase will get an automatic BITE ME.
That's all for now. Not terribly comprehensive as of yet, but it's Sunday night and all this rain is starting to get to me. And I'm still sore from my trip to BJ's earlier today.
8 comments:
I can add one to #3 - You'll never have great uninhibited sex again! Grrrrrrrr!!
Along similar lines, one of my least favorites is some variation on "you have no idea what you're in for." Usually comes from a semi-know-it-all person who has already had kids. In my case, frequently comes from my aunts, whose kids are around the 9-12 range in age.
Yes, thank you. I realize I cannot possibly know how my life is going to change. I know that I don't know, but I also know you'll be the first to tell me there's nothing I can do about my ignorance until the baby(ies) arrive. But that comment serves no purpose except to try to make the commenter seem superior. And what good does that do me?
RE: Craftiness...
Take a class! That's what I do. I don't know where you are in MA, but if you want to learn knit or crochet, I recommend The Knitting Room (www.knitroomboston.com) in Arlington. Small shop, but very nice people teaching classes. For quilting: Cambridge Quilt Shop (www.cambridgequilts.com). I took Lynn's "From Start to Finish" class last October, that's how I started.
Enjoy! Never too late to become crafty. Though I don't recommend lace-making... teeny crochet hook, teenier thread = takes FOREVER. No thanks!
You ARE in for a lot of changes but isn't that what life is all about? Oh sure you have to morph through all the body changes and stuff, but let me tell ya from that first cry (the baby's I mean) to the coos and first smiles, and OMG the baby giggles are the best, and that unconditional love and trust your child has for you, through all the growing things and eventually high school graduation and college graduation etc. etc.(I remember a young lady and her mom--Ren/Jen--and how wonderful all those high school memories and college etc was) the changes are all life changing and I wouldn't trade any of it. Now the only thing is, it is too bad you couldn't have grandchildren first because they are really the ultimate!! But...you can't have grandkids without first having children. Go forth and conquer! You are beautiful! By the way they are still looking for the bodies of those who kept saying to me with my last pregnancy--"you have to go through the whole hot summer!"
etowndz, you've completely captured what I was trying to say! Exactly! Thanks!
My personal favorite is something like: "just wait, it only gets worse!" (worse than what, exactly?) OR even better is: "you're going to be MISERABLE this summer!" (Great, thanks for the warning?) Both of these statements are often said with a superior smirk of knowing that makes my blood pressure do funny things. URG. Ummm... thanks? I mean what else are you supposed to say to something negative like that?
wait... you don't like the name rawkstahr?!?!
a "friend" has just text me asking what im getting up to lately i explained at six and a half month pregnant im quite tired after work so dont go out that much she replied you are pregnant not an invalid! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
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