It doesn't take much to shake my "mother's instinct," I guess. Two weeks ago, an ultrasound technician declared to M and me, with full confidence, that I am pregnant with a girl. I myself had already believed it anyway. And M has never for a moment thought she was anything but a girl. Even the old wives tales signs pointed to a girl. You'd think I'd feel fairly confident in the ultrasound technician's assessment of my kid's in utero plumbing.
But after a friend of mine gave birth earlier this week to a little girl, after her own ultrasound pointed decidedly to a boy, I am suddenly not so sure. Thankfully, the surprise girl is healthy and both she and her new mother are doing great.
Now, let's get one thing straight, here. To me - and probably to most pregnant women out there - it truly does not matter if this baby is a girl or a boy, so long as it's a healthy baby. THAT is my primary concern, and I have no doubt that my friend's first thought was not, "WTF, a GIRL???" but "Thank god our baby is healthy (plus, I'm not in labor anymore!)." Even if I painted every surface in the baby's room pink (which I won't) and picked out a girl's name (which I haven't) and got everything monogrammed with said name (which I wouldn't), in the end, what I want most is a healthy child baby add to our small family.
BUT... I won't deny that this would be a major mind-screw. A happy, wonderful, joyous end to nine (ten) months of being pregnant and who knows how long of labor. But a mind-screw none the less. This is because when you learn the (probable) gender of your child in advance of its birth, you start identifying that child as such. I have this feeling there's no way to truly prepare for meeting your first child. I'm impatient, and I want to meet this kid now. But in the absence of the actual person (living outside of me, I mean), I will grasp anything that helps give me a sense of WHO SHE IS. Her gender is one piece of what will form her identity after she's born. And besides, I far prefer calling her "her" instead of "it". "Him" would be just fine, too.
One friend, when I expressed this sentiment about how the switch could be hard to take, said, "This is why you don't get invested in the gender they tell you at the ultrasound." But I don't know that it's possible not to use that information and go with it. I can say to myself (and do) that there's ALWAYS the possibility that the ultrasound technician was seeing things (or in this case, not seeing things), and all my "she"s and "her"s will make a fool of me when Weeble actually makes an official appearance in four months. But in the meantime, Weeble is my little girl. And if it comes to her being a him, I will be a little (a lot) shocked. I'll think about the little girl that was, and I'll feel sad that she's gone. But then I will get over it in about 2 seconds, count my little boy's toes, say a prayer of thanks that he's healthy, and then I will love him more than I ever thought possible.
2 comments:
I guessed that my first two were girls(I also carried very high); they didn't routinely do ultrasounds in the early 80's for a normal pregnancy. My third came in the 90's and ultrasounds were the norm or in medical terms-standard of care. I figured it was because they could ($$$$$$$) if you know what I mean. Anyway, #3 was a girl on ultrasound, so we went with girl. When she was born no one said a word. I couldn't see down there so I asked. "well, is it a girl?" I was reassured it was. Even though she was 11 and 13 years younger than her sisters, I wasn't really disappointed as I had already raised 2 girls so I knew how to do that. We weren't trying for a boy or a third child--but sometimes s--t happens. Yes I know what causes babies. I always say she turned out to be a pretty good little s--t. Not so little anymore...
I know exactly what you mean regarding gender. This is our first baby and we were told too early (11w) it was a boy, and I knew at the time how close genders look at such a young stage. However, my mind started going down the 'Boy Path' and I began gravitating towards the boy stuff. I even went out on a limb a few weeks after that ultrasound and bought boy bedding. When we had our Level 2 about two weeks ago, we were surprised when the tech and the Dr (same doc as before)declared her all girl. My mind could not get wrapped around this other gender, but within a day or two, I was acclimated--and excited, just as I would if I find out at the delivery, she is really a he. I honestly would not care if this little one came out with fur and a tail--I am just glad she is on her way!
By the way--Congratulations on your girl!
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