I'm sitting on the Acela Express in New York City's Penn Station, waiting to pull out and start the four-plus hour ride home. I spent the day here at a conference for work. I enjoyed myself, learned some new things, saw some former co-workers and talked shop. But it's been an all-day thing. I'm tired, I'm a little burned, and I'm pissed that the train is currently running 33 minutes behind schedule. Make that 34.
This is the first day I've really spent away from Fiona. Not like your average workday, where I leave home around 7:00 after feeding her and spending a good 30 minutes with her; when I get home around 6:30 and get a good two and-a-half more hours with her before we put her to bed. It's not even quite like the days when I actually do something after work with other adults and don't get home until late.
35 minutes late...
Today, I left the house at 4:40 to catch my 5:24 train to New York. Fiona wasn't exactly asleep, much to her father's dismay no doubt. But the four seconds I was with her as I put her back into her crib before leaving the house wasn't exactly time well spent.
37 minutes late...
Of course, I did get to spend much of the night with her. The little stinker had the audacity to NOT sleep through the night for a change and bade me collect her for a feeding at 1:00 this morning. She's a sleeping angel when it doesn't count. But somehow, she knew I would be getting far less sleep than is typically necessary for me and she opted to make it a little worse by getting me up in the wee hours. But co-sleep time is also not quality time.
39 minutes late...
Today I will have spent the entirety of her true waking hours apart from her. And my god, how I miss her. When will this cursed train start moving? As it was, I would not have arrived at the Rte 128 station in Dedham until nearly 10:30. Now, it will be after 11:00. And another 30 minutes before I reach home after that. There's a part of me that hopes she's awake when I arrive. But that's the selfish, bad-parent part who just wants to hold her and give her a kiss and tell her how much I love her.
Electrical problems? You're checking out electrical problems on the train that are delaying our departure? Screw you and your electrical problems! Don't you realize I have a baby daughter who turned seven months old today who is waiting for me? Who needs me??
43 minutes late...
It doesn't help, either, that I opted out of a late afternoon pump session thinking I'd be home in a timely enough fashion that it wasn't necessary. I think that wasn't a great decision. Yeah, definitely not. These suckers are going to need some attention pretty soon.
Oh, well.
We're moving now. 44 minutes late. This business of being away from her is seriously going to take some getting used to. I have an overnighter coming up in a few weeks. But at least for that one, transportation won't be out of my hands. I'll get to come and go as I please. And I think I just might leave early.
...
Nope, never mind. We're not moving. We went for about 5 minutes and stopped again. "Waiting for 2 westbound trains to clear the area." Well, screw you and your westbound trains. How about giving the train that's a full hour behind schedule the right of way!!! My kid will have forgotten who I am by the time I get back. And my boobs hurt. This does not bode well.
8:07. Finally moving. So help me god if we stop again for anything other than legitimate station stops...
(p.s. As I did not have Internet access while actually on my little business travel adventure last night, I am posting after-the-fact. Of course, I realize this reduces the impact. I am okay with this.)
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