For the past eleven weeks of my life, I have dreaded this one: the twelfth. At the end of this week I will be returning to work. The dread isn't because I hate my job or anything of that sort. On the contrary, I like what I do and am looking forward to getting back to it. But I do not want to leave my infant daughter for the bulk of every day's waking hours.
Oh, who am I kidding? The kid rarely goes to bed before 11:00, and that's on a good night. I'll probably have oodles of quality time with Fiona, even if it is time spent trying fruitlessly to get her tired-but-unwilling-to-go-to-sleep tiny baby butt to bed.
But I digress. My maternity leave has been amazing, and an enormous gift. I know a lot of women who have babies don't get to take nearly the same amount of time I have been able to take. I have been immensely fortunate to spend this much time with Fiona during her first few months of life. I don't know how some women go back after only six, five, or even just a couple of weeks after giving birth.
Of course, the anticipation of leaving her has already made a basketcase out of me. I have been known to start a lullaby to her only to have it choked off with sobs when I remember that our daylight, weekday hours together are numbered. Then there are the times when I just spontaneously combust with tears as I'm feeding her, knowing that I'll be cuddling a lot more with my breast pump than with her by next week.
There are two things keeping me sane at this point. The first is the knowledge that I have only a week and-a-half before the Thanksgiving break when I'll have four solid days to spend with Fiona and M. And after that is the anticipation for the holidays, plus a visit from my mother and grandmother at the end of the month. I'm hoping it all serves as a nice distraction.
The second thing keeping me sane is the biggie. Instead of having to go to daycare or a sitter, Fiona will be in the care of her grandmother, M's mother, and my amazing mother-in-law. Whatever time I am not spending mentally willing us to win the lottery so I don't have to ever work again, I am spending thanking my incredibly lucky stars that my child will be taken care of by someone who will love her almost as much as I do. And that is what will make it even remotely possible for me to keep it together one week from today, when I take that long drive to the office next Monday morning, and the even longer drive home that night to be with my baby again.
1 comment:
It's so hard to be a mom!! Good luck with your return to work. The woman who taught my new moms class said that the week leading up to going back to work is the hardest. The anticipation will make you nuts. And while the first few days are hard, you quickly settle into a pattern that works. Or so she says. :-)
I don't know what your "sleep strategy" is, but I have found the 1-2 punch of Happiest Baby On the Block and Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child to work reasonably well. For my kids, lots of quality sleep during the day really helps at night. Then a nice warm bath and an early bedtime (it varies right now, but not later than 8pm, sometimes as early as 6 or 6:30). This is not to say they sleep through the night (ha!), but they go down a bit easier and fall back asleep after eating pretty quickly. Oh, and my kids can't sleep well without a super-tight swaddle. If they get their arms out, we're sunk! Anyways, that's what we do, if it helps...
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