Amazingly, four weeks have already passed. Four weeks. Not four days, which is what it feels like. Everyone says it, and I knew to expect the phenomenon from watching my little sister go from adorable baby to antagonizing pre-teen in about 20 minutes flat: it is so true that time flies when you have a new baby. Fiona is already a completely different child than the one who emerged from me just over four weeks ago. And I suppose it stands to reason that my husband and I are also pretty different at this point, too.
I realize that I dedicated my last several posts have been about labor and sleepless nights instead of chronicling what our daily lives have been like since Fiona's birth. This is, of course, because time has been limited and I opted to tell the story of her birth (as well as provide a detailed rant about her occasional late night feeding issues) before telling the story of her life. So I'm a little behind I guess. Here is a brief recap of each of the last four weeks of our new life with Fiona.
Week One
The first few days were, obviously, pretty chaotic. She was born midday on Friday the 17th. The next few days are a haze of visitors, being poked and prodded by a variety of medical personnel, hanging out in bed all day, and feeling utterly exhausted and overwhelmed. And when it's not visiting hours, hospital life can get pretty lonely. Especially in the wee hours of the morning when there's nothing but crappy informercials on the mere 13 channels the hospital TV offers. Being awakened every 2 hours to breastfeed a tiny, squalling person about which you know virtually nothing other than that she came out of you (at great cost to your figure and your lady bits) didn't help much either. I was happy to see her every time she was brought to me, but the need for sleep was overwhelming.
On Sunday we brought our new family member home. Our first night was no picnic. Fiona had already lost weight in the hospital since my milk hadn't come in yet. This was no surprise and nothing to be concerned about, but I should have expected that Fiona would be hungry beyond what my body was making for her to eat. So I had my first new mother meltdown at about 2:00 in the morning when my daughter, starving to death, could not be calmed. And I, more exhausted than I had ever been in my entire life, did not know what to do and was pretty much in the same boat. Thankfully, my husband and mother both woke up and talked me off my ledge. But it wasn't pretty, and it's not a fond memory.
I don't even remember Monday at all, but I know it must have been tough because we got on the phone with the pediatrician we were so concerned about Fiona. So, Tuesday found us at the pediatrician. With Fiona not seeming to get any food into her (and thus neither peeing nor pooping like we wanted her to), we were just beside ourselves. The pediatrician assured us that Fiona, in spite of having lost 20% (a full pound) of her weight, was fine. Unfortunately, she did have a bit of jaundice, so we had to go to the hospital to have blood taken and tested to see just how bad it was and what treatment was warranted. So, a day after leaving the hospital, we were back. While there, we also visited the lactation consultant who managed to restore some of the sanity I had lost two nights before when she helped me feed my poor starving kid.
Wednesday was the first time I left Fiona. The carpal tunnel that had been getting progressively worse in the final weeks of my pregnancy had worsened to the point that it was getting difficult to care for her. Everything I did with my right arm sent me through the roof with pain. I had no doubt that the amount of fluid still stuck in me had everything to do with it, but I couldn't wait anymore and went to my hand and wrist doctor for a cortisone shot. Fiona stayed with my mom while my mother-in-law drove me (since I wasn't supposed to drive for two weeks and M had returned to work as of Wednesday). Even though I fed the little piggy right before I left, Fiona demanded to be fed during the two hours I was gone, so my mom gave her the bottle I had left behind (thank you, pump!). It was not as hard to leave her as I thought it would be, which made me feel a little guilty. But I think it wasn't so difficult because 1) I left her with my mom, who had been around since Fiona had been born and knew how to calm her, and 2) it was absolutely necessary for me to get the problem of my wrist handled sooner rather than later.
Other parts of that first week are a bit hazy at this point. I know there was a lot of exhaustion and probably some more tears as Fiona and I adjusted to each other. But looking back, it's quite a blur. We did manage to leave the house a few times before the first week was over, taking our first shopping trips on Thursday the 23rd (to Target) and Friday the 24th (to Babies R Us). The BRU trip also marked our first semi-public feeding. I say "semi-public" because BRU has this awesome room called the Mothers Room that is outfitted with a few chairs and couches so mothers can breastfeed and change their children. Totally separate from the bathroom. While I'm not a huge fan of box stores such as BRU, I have to say this particular offering is pretty darn cool and I really appreciate that they have it.
Week Two
Not much more to say about this week. More exhaustion, more getting to know each other. Early in the week, Fiona lost her umbilical stump that Saturday, and got her first kisses from Ollie - who had previously been terrified of her - on Sunday. Really, it was like a switch flipped with the dog. He wanted nothing to do with her for the first week, and would run away from someone holding her. But then on Sunday, he suddenly wanted to lick her endlessly. Either he decided he loved her, or he realized she could be a tasty treat. We're still trying to determine exactly which one it is. I'm opting for love.
As for myself, the early part of the second week finally revealed the ankles that had disappeared over a month before. At last! No more cankles! Seriously, this was an extremely joyous day for me. Also, I was able to wear shoes other than flip-flops again, which I had been confined to for at least six weeks prior to giving birth. I was one swollen puppy, but finally I was returning to normal. By the 26th, only 9 days after having Fiona, I'd dropped 30 pounds of the 38 I gained overall. Pushing out a kid and feeding it from the boob? Best. Weightloss. Plan. EVER!
Week Three
My mother went home exactly 3 weeks after she had arrived. For the week leading up to her departure, I was in an utter panic, fearing I would fail utterly as a mother. Not to mention I would never again be able to find the time to pee, wash my hair, dust my living room, change my clothes, or anything else that would require putting the baby down. But I wasn't so worried about the emotional impact of her leaving until I drove her to the airport. As I watched her say goodbye to Fiona and realized she wouldn't see her again for an untold number of months, I was overcome.
Having my own daughter made the importance of my own mother much more poignant. I realized I didn't need my mother as a pair of helping hands. I wanted her around to see her granddaughter grow and change, as well as to see me grow into motherhood. So far, Fiona and I have managed to get along without her NaiNai (her grandmotherly designation), and I do find the time to pee and complete other tasks. At least to some degree. But I do miss having my mom around to help take care of me. Nobody ever takes care of you the way your mother does.
Week Four
Week four, for as recently as it happened, is the most blurry to me. I think that's because things are evening out. Fiona is starting to sleep for longer stretches, and developing more of a personality. And having her is less of a novelty and more of a reality. I'm adjusting to motherhood, M is adjusting to fatherhood, and we're all adjusting to being a family. Every day, I am more and more amazed at how beautiful this little creature is. Honestly, I think she is likely the most adorable baby ever created. I may be biased. But she's certainly the cutest member of this particular family, I assure you.
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